Its a windy enough day to stay indoors; leaf raking is futile. The 2013 Cynosport competition is over, marking the end of another dog agility season. That's the time when I tally up my year, perhaps along with others who have more cause to count.
I achieved the performance goals I wanted this year. We got the speed, distance, and confidence I wanted from Talos so he probably would have done ok at nationals after all. Not great but ok, as in not stressed or slow. That's huge and I'm proud of him as well as the changes I made to me so he could trust getting there. However, I didn't reach any of my competitive goals. I cancelled going to Cynosport although I had planned on it from the moment the 2012 event had ended. I had felt unsettled since our last big competition. Not unhappy, because Talos ran his little heart out and I had a great time while there,.. It was something else that took hold shortly after the one regionals I attended. Clever me, I had cancelled the other regionals before I could feel either unsettled or happy. Earlier in the year I also stopped trying to get him qualified for AKC nationals- so I could focus on USDAA, said I. So if I did not reach those goals it WAS for lack of trying, and I need to figure out why I'm habitually standing in my own way. My goals always seem great but tend to lose luster as the events grow closer. They have no staying power. I know there are Mental Management skills for that, but I'm not convinced it was the wrong choice to let these goals go. On the other hand, trying to function without goals is no choice for me at all.
I also didn't get the last 2 Q's for Talos' ADCH this season, which was to be my lesser 'replacement goal'. There have been so many near misses that I can see he has developed those skills; we just need a little more luck. Still, luck is such a tease that I think for now I will accept that its not going to happen this year. I know he can do it but the two Q's have also lost their luster. I hear myself saying how I should really spend those entry fees on things like firewood and snow tires. Cold weather apparently brings out my more pragmatic self. Hopefully I will still be employed, healthy, and able to play agility next time the weather warms. If not, I'll have bigger worries than earning another ribbon. After all, my walls are full of ribbons and only the spiders seem to care. Loss of luster strikes again- its a basic defect of setting goals.
It drives me nuts when people say they don't have goals, that they 'do agility for fun'. Can it be they might actually know people who do agility to feel miserable? Of course not! We each define fun by our own measures, based on what we personally find reinforcing. We cannot define this for others and should not judge it, but it seems a good idea to at least define it for yourself. Perhaps that's what the long winter is for. And here it is, the north wind sliding down the mountain and blustering through the fields. Excuse me while I throw another log on the fire, and try to define what it is that might maintain the luster just one more season.
